Beginning to Forget
by lickitysplit
Summary: Susan always thought they'd never get back to Narnia. But when Edmund, Lucy, and their horrible cousin Eustace get to go, it's almost too much for her to bear.
1. What Happened After the Dawn Treader

A/N: Here's my first Narnia fic. This isn't going to be one of those angsty fics about Susan's downfall and then how she is redeemed in the end.This fic takes place after _Voyage of the Dawn Treader_.Review if you like. Flame on, if you must!

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Chapter 1: What Happened After the _Dawn Treader_

Because the house was in such a remote location, Peter had to go to town to pick up the mail. The Professor had looked surprised when Peter had first asked why the postman had not come by. "Who would write to me?" the Professor had said sincerely. "The postman never makes a delivery. If any letters arrive, they can wait right there." That afternoon, Peter rode his bicycle down into the small town and retrieved the mail. Sure enough, all that had been waiting was a postcard from Ms. Polly to the Professor (it was about three years old, from when she spent a holiday in Spain with her women's group) and a letter for Peter, which had just arrived the day before. It was from Lucy, who was spending her holiday in the most unfortunate way--namely,at their aunt and uncle's house.

Lucy wrote to Peter nearly every other day, dutifully trying to put a good spin on what sounded like a pretty dreadful time. Once in a while, a letter would arrive from Edmund as well, which mostly contained complaints about their cousin Eustace. Peter wrote back to them and tried to give them some courage, but he was afraid that nothing could make them feel better. Besides, he had to concentrate on his studies, and the Professor always enjoyed reminding Peter how little he knew.

Right at the end of the summer holiday, Peter traveled down to the town to get the mail again and send off his latest letter. He knew his parents were returning in just a few days and he would be seeing his brother and sisters soon, but he wanted to help them get through the final stretch. He had received a letter from Susan, detailing her final agenda in America. There was also a letter from Lucy, which he opened right away.

_Dear Peter,_

_The most wonderful thing has happened! Edmund and I went to N. We saw Caspian. We'll fill you in on everything when we see you on Thursday. Uncle Harold gave permission for Eustace to come as well. We're all extremely excited. See you on the train!_

_Love, Lucy_

Peter frowned and read the letter again. His heart had leapt when he saw Caspian's name. It also ached with longing for a moment as well, as he could never hope to go to Narnia again. But Eustace was coming along? They'd never get a moment's peace. He knew that Eustace was much younger than he and he should be nicer to him, but he always caught him saying the nastiest things to his sister. Edmund had also spent many weekends indoors because of arguments he had with their cousin. Lucy knew this full well--why was she so excited for Eustace to tag along?

The ride back to the Professor's small house allowed Peter to think it all over. He was aching to know more details about their journey, how Caspian was faring as the king of Narnia, and if they had seen Aslan. He imagined they must have, and again came the pang of longing. The Professor shared his wondering after Peter filled him in on the letter. He even suspended studying that day, and they spent the afternoon reminiscing about their times visiting Narnia.

Thursday arrived, and Peter was anxious to get going and see his siblings. The Professor accompanied him to the train station, and they shook hands (the Professor had made him promise several times to write as soon as he got the entire story). He was on the train for about an hour before it pulled into the station. He broke into a wide grin and leaned out the window, waving to Edmund, Lucy, and Eustace. "Hurry on!" he called to them.

Lucy was the first to burst through the door. Even though she was almost thirteen, she jumped onto Peter and hugged him hard. Edmund and Eustace clamored through the door carrying their bags. Edmund dumped his in a heap and grabbed Peter's hand. They were all talking at once, excitedly chatting about how much they were looking forward to getting home. Finally, Peter turned to Eustace.

"Eustace. How are you? Had a pleasant holiday, I hope?" Peter extended his hand. He fully expected Eustace to sneer at him and make a comment about how he would have preferred a much bigger car. Instead, Eustace surprised him by shaking his hand vigorously.

"Yes! It was great! We can't wait to tell you all about it!" He was smiling so big that Peter tried (and failed) to remember ever seeing Eustace look so happy. He watched in amazement as he helped Lucy put her suitcase on the overhead shelf. A week ago, Peter would have put money on Eustace saying something nasty if he had been asked to help. Lucy must have noticed Peter staring, because she pulled him down onto the seat next to her and whispered, "Doesn't Eustace look wonderful? He's been great fun the last week. He slips back into the old Eustace once in a while, but Edmund's been fantastic with him."

"He certainly is a lot . . . different."

"Peter, how is the Professor?" Edmund asked, as he and Eustace sat down across from them.

"Doing well. As much as he hated to admit it, I think he was sorry to see me go." Peter smiled. "He made me promise to write him as soon as--"Peter stopped abruptly. He didn't want to say anything about Narnia in front of Eustace, but Lucy said, "Of course, he'll want to know all about our latest visit to Narnia. He can write it down in his book."

"Oh? Has this Professor been there as well?" Eustace leaned in eagerly.

"Uh--yes, he has." Peter looked at Edmund, confused.

"It's all right, Peter, " Edmund said. "He went with us."

The others laughed at Peter's expression. "Well, we won't be arriving in a while," said Edmund. "Let's fill Peter in on everything that happened."


	2. Susan Gets a Surprise

As soon as she arrived home, Lucy ran straight upstairs to the room she shared with her sister. "Susan! I'm home!" she cried, bursting through the door.

Susan wheeled around, smiling. "Yes, I can see that," she laughed as Lucy hugged her tightly. "Where are your things? I'm nearly done unpacking, so I can help you if you'd like."

"The bags are downstairs. They boys said they'd bring them. Oh Susan, wait until you hear what happened while we were away."

Susan frowned. She sat on the bed and pulled Lucy down next to her. "It was that awful, was it? I'm so sorry, Lu. I wish you could have come with me and mom and dad."

Lucy shook her head. "It wasn't awful at all!" she said. "Well, it was at first. Eustace was a real pain. But then—"

"Eustace! Did he really come back with you?" Susan sighed. "Why did you have to invite him? He is always such a bother."

"No, Susan, he's different now," Lucy said. She leaned in close to her sister. "Edmund and I went to Narnia, and Eustace came with us," she whispered.

Susan's head snapped back quickly. "What did you say?"

Lucy couldn't contain herself any longer. "We went to Narnia, Susan! Edmund and Eustace and I." Lucy began to bounce up and down in excitement. "It was so wonderful. We saw Caspian, and Reepicheep, and we sailed on this big beautiful ship. And the adventures we had! I had to do a magic spell, and Eustace turned into a dragon!"

"Lucy, please," Susan said quietly. She had begun to turn a little pale.

Caught up in her story, Lucy did not notice and continued on. "We sailed right up until the edge of the world! There was a sea monster, and we discovered all sorts of islands—"

"Lucy! Stop!" Susan shouted. Lucy jumped and looked at her sister with wide eyes. Susan looked equally as shocked, but quickly shook herself. "Stop all this nonsense, Lucy. Aren't you getting a bit old for all of this?"

"I—I don't understand."

"I can't believe you, making up stories like that. And you haven't even asked me about my trip at all."

"But I'm not making this up."

"I said that's enough, Lucy!" Susan shouted again. Just then, there was a knock on the bedroom door. "What's going on in there?" The door opened and Edmund's head popped inside. "Are you two having an argument?" There was a moment of silence as Edmund looked between the two girls. Then, Susan put her hand on her hip and stood up taller.

"No, we're not having an argument," she said. "Not that it is any of your business."

"Well, you don't have to be rude about it. I was just announcing that we're having supper in a few minutes." Edmund looked at Lucy and frowned. "What's the matter with you?"

Lucy bit her lip and willed herself not to cry. Shaking her head, she quickly left the room. Edmund watched her leave and then turned back to Susan. "What's going on?"

"I said it's none of your business."

"You were fighting, weren't you?"

"Just go away, Edmund!"

"What was it about?"

"Please just shut up!"

"I'll keep asking until you tell me."

"Ugh!" Susan got up, pushed Edmund out, and shut the door firmly behind him. Closing her eyes, she leaned against the door. One small tear slid down her cheek. _It's just not fair_, she thought.

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**A/N:** It's funny how stories write themselves. This isn't at all where I thought it was going to go, but I guess I'm along for the ride as much as anyone else. I hope you're all enjoying. 


	3. Peter and His Sisters

**A/N:** Thanks to everyone who reviewed or sent along a message!

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Peter noticed that something was going on during the meal that night. Susan, who was normally the quietest one, chattered on about their trip to America, hardly letting anyone else talk. Lucy, on the other hand, barely spoke a word. In addition to all this, Eustace was so well-behaved and had such good manners that it was a little unnerving. Every other time Eustace had stayed with them, he would spend each meal complaining about being forced to eat meat and would go on long lectures about farming and economics. 

When the meal was finished, Eustace and Lucy (being the two youngest) were left to clear up. Susan announced that she had friends in America to write to and went to her bedroom, acting very important. Peter used the opportunity to pull Edmund aside. They went into the parlor and shut the door.

"What's going on with Lucy and Susan? They aren't acting like themselves."

"I don't know," Edmund responded. "I think they had some kind of row. I kept badgering Susan, but she wouldn't tell me anything about it."

"Did you say anything to her about Narnia?"

"No, I figured that Lucy would do it." Edmund gave a low whistle. "You don't suppose that that's what has gotten them upset, do you?"

Peter shrugged. "Why would they have an argument about that?"

"Who knows why girls do anything?" said Edmund.

"I suppose I should go and talk to her," said Peter.

"Suit yourself," Edmund said, and headed back to the kitchen. Peter went upstairs, thinking about Edmund's comment. Peter had never considered himself an expert on girls, or a great judgment of character. That was always Edmund's department. And usually Edmund was right about these things. He just could not imagine why talking about Narnia would cause a problem between his sisters. If anything, Narnia had always brought them all closer together. He stopped and listened at the door to the girls' bedroom, but could not hear anything. "Su?" he said, and knocked softly on the door.

"Come in," she called out.

Peter pushed the door open and went inside. Susan was sitting at her desk, writing. She did not turn around. Peter cleared his throat and then took a few more steps inside. "Am I interrupting?"

"No, don't be silly," she said. "I'm just writing a few letters."

"We didn't really get a chance to talk since we've all been back," Peter said.

"I know!" Susan turned around. "Peter, it's such a pity you didn't get to come to America. It was absolutely amazing."

"Yes, I heard all about it at dinner," Peter said with a sly smile.

Susan gave him a look. "Very funny. How is the Professor? Did you get much studying done?"

"He is exactly the same. I did some studying, but I'm not sure if it was enough."

"Oh Peter," Susan sighed. "You're always worried about your marks, and you always receive tops in your class. I don't know why you even bother." There was a moment of silence before she said, "Was that all?"

"No." Peter folded his arms. "I'd like to know what is going on between you and Lucy."

Susan's face remained even. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. Neither of you were speaking to the other during supper. I could tell something was going on, and Edmund agrees with me." Susan did not answer. "Did she tell you that they went to Narnia?" Peter asked.

Susan gave a short laugh. "So you heard the story as well?"

"Is that what all this is about?"

Susan stood. "Don't tell me you actually believe her. We were told we'd never be returning to Narnia."

"Yes, Susan, _we_ were told that. Not Lucy or Edmund. Do you remember what happened the last time we didn't believe Lucy?"

Susan ignored his comment. Her cheeks started to turn slightly pink, and she said in a high-pitched voice, "You honestly think Eustace would get to go? Before us?"

Peter shrugged. "I don't know why Eustace went. But we already knew that we weren't the only humans to ever go to Narnia. We just have to trust that Aslan—"

"Aslan," Susan said in a bitter tone. She swallowed and looked Peter in the eye. Slowly, she said, "I don't believe it. I can't. They didn't go."

Peter looked at her incredulously. "Susan…" He reached out his arm, trying to think of what to say, but Susan turned and plopped back down on her chair. Without another word, she turned her back on him and took up her pen. "Susan, you can't just pretend that it never happened." When she still would not speak, he sighed and left.

When he got back downstairs, the others were still in the kitchen. Lucy and Eustace were cleaning dishes while Edmund sat on a stool with his feet propped up on the window ledge, laughing about something.

"You know, Edmund, you're not a king here," said Eustace in a huff. He wiped beads of sweat from his eyes. "You could lend a hand."

"Buck up, Eustace," said Edmund. "You're doing great!" He saw Peter enter and quickly sat up straight. "How did it go?"

"Not well at all," Peter said. "Susan is being impossible." He noticed Lucy stiffen when he said Susan's name.

"So I suppose you know all about what she said?" Lucy asked without turning around.

"Not exactly," Peter answered. "I don't think she believes you, though."

"Which means," Edmund said, "she doesn't believe us, either." Edmund shook his head. "Since when does she act so rotten?"

"Ed," Peter said softly.

"We shouldn't talk about Susan like this," said Lucy. "I'm sure she has her reasons for being upset. Perhaps she'll come around."

Eustace, who had been watching the exchange, wrinkled his brow. "I don't understand any of this. Do you think that if I told her that Lucy is right, she'd believe her?"

Edmund and Peter exchanged glances. Without a word, Peter knew that Edmund understood his thoughts perfectly: Eustace, however good intentioned, would just rub salt in the wound. "That's all right, Eustace," said Edmund. "We'll think of something."


	4. Life on this Side of the Door

**A/N:** Wow, this was a really hard chapter to write. I'm not sure if I achieved what I was trying, but I'm putting it out there anyway. I borrowed a few of my favorite lines from Mr. Lewis. I hope he doesn't mind.

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The fall term was starting again in two weeks' time, and Eustace was scheduled to take the train back to his house at the end of the week. The sun was out every day, and the Pevensies spent as much time out of doors as possible. After having to spend the majority of their holiday apart, they tried to make up for it while they still could. No one could remember having such a fun time with Eustace around (in fact, no one could remember ever having a fun time with Eustace around at all), and since Eustace had never cared for doing things that were outdoorsy or normally considered fun (like fishing, sunbathing, swimming, or anything physical in nature), the others found it a great sport to introduce him to all of the things that they had always done together. And other than a bruised knee from his first try at cricket and a bee sting from a late afternoon picnic, Eustace was enjoying himself immensely. 

The only one who was not was Susan. She was feeling as though she were too old to be running around outside with her siblings, even though most of the time she ended up going along anyway. Edmund was usually the one who came up with the schedule each day. He would announce at breakfast each morning what was on the agenda and then Susan would launch into protests that it was too hot or that she was not going to spend her day playing children's games. Lucy would plead with her to come and Peter would tell her she was being silly, and Susan would eventually relent when Edmund told her that she was being a wet blanket and they'd leave her at home if she didn't stop her grumbling. And despite how hard she tried not to have fun, even Susan had to admit it was shaping into a great end of the summer. Slowly she was beginning to get used to the new Eustace and was almost able to stop expecting him to start complaining or giving them a lecture about proper bicycle care or something. Susan even forgot to be self-conscious when she was out with the younger ones, and would give up peeking over her shoulders to see if there was anyone she knew around to witness her splashing in the lake with her sister or kicking a football around with the boys. Peter never seemed to have such hang-ups, even though he did feel that this was probably one of the last summers that he would be able to spend having fun with the others. Lucy said several times (and Edmund agreed) that they were having as good a time as they did when they spent the summer at the Professor's house.

No one brought up the subject of Narnia. Lucy had tried to speak with Susan again that first night about it, but Susan made it clear that she wanted to hear nothing else. The others agreed that they should give her some time before trying to discuss it again. And so things went on like this until the next wet day.

"Well, this puts a huge damper on things," Edmund sighed. He was sitting on the window seat in the parlor, watching huge raindrops crash against the window. Eustace and Peter, with help from Lucy, were playing chess.

"Don't worry about it, Ed," said Lucy. "We have plenty to do here."

Peter moved his knight. Immediately, Eustace captured it. "How are you doing that?" Peter asked.

"Doing what?" said Eustace.

"How did you get so good at chess?"

"You're not being a sore loser, are you?" asked Susan, who was curled up in a nearby chair.

"Who says I'm losing?" said Peter.

Eustace and Lucy laughed. Susan rolled her eyes. "I'm going to make some tea," she announced, and left the room.

"The truth now, Eustace," said Peter. "How did you become such an expert?"

"I played a lot on the _Dawn Treader_," said Eustace. "Reepicheep was an excellent teacher."

"Shhh," said Lucy. "You don't want Susan to hear you."

"Bother Susan," grumbled Eustace. He watched Peter's next move. "Why can't I mention Reep? I thought you had all known him from before."

"We had," said Lucy quietly. "Although I don't know if Susan fancies remembering all that now."

Peter frowned. "Eustace is right. We can't all go on acting as if nothing ever happened."

"I don't know if it's that simple," said Lucy. "I think Susan is really hurt. I wish that we could do something to help her. I hate to see her like this."

"No," said Edmund seriously. "It's Susan who has made this choice. All of us, except for Eustace, have been told we cannot return to Narnia. Aslan made that decision. We must accept that. We have always trusted in Aslan, and he has always done what is right for Narnia." Everyone was silent for a moment. Eustace thought about Caspian's face when he returned from his cabin to say that Aslan commanded that they were to leave the ship with Reepicheep. Although it made him terribly upset, Caspian did what Aslan said, and they all knew that it was what was best for Narnia. Edmund thought of the times he and Peter had ridden to battle, leaving his sisters and his people for weeks, sometimes months at a time. But after his experience with the White Witch, he knew that he had to protect Narnia at all costs. Lucy could only remember that terrible night at the Stone Table. It still brought tears to her eyes, thinking about the sacrifice that he had made to save Edmund, to save all of them.

"Once a king or queen in Narnia," said Peter, "always a king or queen. That's what Aslan told us at our coronation. He told us to bear it well."

"Even though we're no longer there, we are still kings and queens," said Edmund. "We are still a part of Narnia."

Eustace bit his lip. "I know I've only gone once," he said. "And I mucked up the first half of it. I don't know if I'll ever get to go again. But even if I don't, I'll always be happy that I went."

"I know what you mean," said Lucy. She patted Eustace's hand.

"Something has to be done about this," said Peter.

"You are the eldest, Peter," Edmund said. "You were made High King, and we've always followed you. We'll support your decision now, as well."

Peter sighed. "Now I just have to figure out what the right decision is."


	5. Once a King or Queen

When Susan returned with the tea things, everyone was quiet. After a few minutes, she said, "What's wrong? Why is everyone so silent?"

The rest of them looked at Peter. He knew they were all waiting for him to say something, so he cleared his throat. "Susan, we need to know what's going on with you."

"What do you mean?" she said, taking a sip of her tea.

"Why are you refusing to believe Edmund and Lucy and Eustace? They went to Narnia, Susan." He saw Susan's face darken, but he pressed on. "If you are upset about it, then please tell us. We can help you. We've always stuck together. You aren't alone in this."

"Susan, you shouldn't feel as if you can't talk to us about it," said Lucy. "We want to help you."

"Oh, what do you know about it?" she spat at Lucy. "You have no idea what it's like."

"Now look here," said Edmund angrily. "There's no reason to speak to Lucy like that. Of course we know what it's like. If you had bothered to listen, you'd know that Lucy and I can't ever return either. So you can stop being such a bad sport about it all. You're a queen, for pity's sake. You might want to start acting like it."

"A queen?" Susan laughed. "Queen of what, exactly? In case you haven't noticed, this isn't exactly a kingdom, is it?" she said, waving her hand around the room.

"Is that what all this is about?" said Eustace. "You're upset that you don't live in some sort of castle?"

Susan's eyes narrowed. "Oh, shut up, Eustace. You don't even know what you're talking about—"

"Susan!" said Lucy, shocked.

"—and you don't know anything about what we've done," she went on, ignoring Lucy. "Until a few days ago, you were the most insufferable know-it-all—"

"Well, I've changed!" said Eustace defiantly.

"Oh really?" she scoffed.

"People change," Edmund quietly said.

Susan raised a trembling finger and pointed it at Eustace. "I will never—_ever_—accept that Aslan called you to Narnia." She turned and looked at Peter. "How can you possibly listen to him?" she cried, gesturing towards Eustace. "How could _he_ tell _us_ anything about Narnia?"

Peter stood and stared at his sister sternly. "That's enough, Susan. I won't have you speaking to the others like this. Be careful, before you say something you'll regret."

"The only thing I regret," she said, "was following Lucy back through that wardrobe." She looked around at the others. "You may have all accepted your fate, and have accepted that fact that you'll never go back. But I can't. After all we did for Narnia, all we went through to defeat the White Witch! We deserved to be kings and queens. We deserved to stay in Narnia. And then," she went on, growing more upset with every word, "Aslan brought us back. He let us go again. I thought he wanted us there, that maybe stumbling back through the wardrobe was some sort of mistake. But no," she said bitterly. "He just wanted us to save them all again. Make everything right. Again. And then when we were done, he sent us back, as if none of it mattered." Tears began to fall down her cheeks, and she buried her face in her hands.

There was a shocked silence. Then Lucy went to Susan and put her arms around her. "Oh, Susan," she whispered. "What a terrible thing to believe."

Susan pulled away from her sister and stood. Even though her cheeks were wet, she stood tall, and the others could see a part of her was still Queen Susan, the Gentle, the heart of Narnia, the proud monarch that an entire country of creatures looked to for love. She had always acted as mother to all of Narnia, and her people had loved her dearly for it. For a moment, time stopped in that room, the four siblings sharing a long look. Peter and Edmund were also standing. Peter looked hurt, but determined. Edmund was also obviously hurt, but angry at Susan's words. Lucy simply seemed bewildered, as if she wanted to say something but couldn't remember any words.

Eustace had always found the way the men aboard the ship had fawned all over Edmund and Lucy was strange, even though they were supposed to be king and queen. He never fully understood his cousins as the rulers of Narnia. Seeing them now, Eustace finally knew why Caspian and Reepicheep and all the others had always spoken of his four cousins they way they had. Peter was the protector, always working the hardest and willing to save them all at any cost. Edmund was the voice of reason, just as fierce as Peter, and balanced him with his sharp intelligence, making sure that their plans and their rules were right and fair. Lucy was the healer, bringing life back to anything, not just with her magic cordial, but with her energy and her laughter. But Susan was the compassionate one, the one they all turned to for comfort and strength. Eustace thought she looked beautiful.

"Susan, don't be like this," said Edmund finally. "You can't blame Narnia, or Aslan. We did what we did because it was our duty."

"Edmund is right," said Peter. "You are still a queen of Narnia. You must remember that."

Slowly, Susan said, "You may all play-act at being kings and queens if you like. But I just won't. I'm not a queen any longer."

"Susan, stop all this!" said Peter with a desperate edge in his voice.

"You're not High King anymore, either," she said. "Keep your memories and your stories. I'm finished with all of it." She turned and quickly left the room. Edmund looked absolutely furious, and Peter had to grab his arm to stop him from charging after her. Lucy called her name, but she was already gone. She turned to her brothers with tears in her eyes. "How could this have happened?" she asked.

"I shouldn't have pressed it," sighed Peter sadly. "Oh, well done."

"This is not your fault," said Edmund. "No matter how much you say it, Peter. It's none of our faults."

"It is a terrible shame," said Eustace. The others looked at him. "For a minute there, she really did seem like a queen."

Upstairs, Susan ran to her room and slammed the door. She sat down hard on her bed, pounding it with clenched fists, trying to keep from screaming in anger and frustration and misery. After a while, finally defeated, she laid down across her bed. She half expected Lucy to knock, and was grateful for the peace and the solitude. Suddenly, Susan felt horribly tired. Her eyes began to close, and she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror facing the bed. She thought it was her eyes at first, so she closed them tight and looked again.

Her reflection stared back at her in the mirror. It was her face, eyes red with tears, and her own body in the image. But instead of wearing a sweater and skirt and stockings, she wore a long dress with ribbons along the edge. Her hair wasn't pulled back into a bun, but hung loose around her, with a light golden band around the top of her head. The bed wasn't the same either—there was no knitted bedspread, but a large comforter that looked like a cloud. Even though Susan couldn't make out the rest of the room in the light, she knew it wouldn't be the same room that she shared with her sister, but a much larger one, with chests of clothes and a vanity with pearl-handled combs, and beyond that, a large window that opened to the southern coast.

Without taking her eyes from the mirror, she sat up. Her reflection did the same, looking at her with the same wide-eyed expression. Susan slowly swung her legs around the side of her bed, and so did the other Susan. They reached out a hand (Susan's right, the other Susan's left) towards each other, and touched fingertips where the mirror was. As if caught in a dream, Susan stepped forward, and through the mirror. The two Susans looked at each other silently, both of their mouths forming a wide O of surprise.

There was a noise at the door of the bedroom. Susan turned her head and saw the door open on its own. She looked back, but the other Susan was gone. However, she had no time to think about that, for at that moment, a familiar voice said, "Welcome, Daughter of Eve."

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**A/N:** I think there will be one more chapter after this. Thanks again to everyone who has been reading and reviewing! 


	6. The Queen's Decision

For a moment, Susan could not turn around. She could hear the Lion walking closer to her, and her heart pounded in her chest. She drew in a sharp breath.

"Are you afraid, child?" he said.

"No," she whispered, shaking her head. Finally, she turned around and faced the Lion. "I've never been afraid of you."

"Then why are you trembling?"

"I—" Her voice caught in her throat. "Aslan, is this really Narnia?"

"No," Aslan replied. "You already knew that."

Susan nodded. "Why am I here?" He did not answer her, but only gave her a long look. She could feel his eyes looking right through her. "Why did you ever bring us here? What is the use of coming to Narnia if we couldn't stay here?" He gave a very low growl. "You're angry with me."

"I could never be angry with you, Susan," said Aslan. "You have always spoken from your heart. But I know that you are angry with me." His voice grew gentler. "You must know, dear heart, that I did not call you out of your world. The Deep Magic brought you through that door—just as it brought you again when your horn was winded. We are all governed by the Deep Magic. Narnia needed you, and so it called to you."

"Why, Aslan? Why did all of this happen?" Susan's voice shook.

"Because it was meant to be, child. Even I cannot stop what is meant to be. You and your brothers and sister and cousin have come to Narnia. Others have come before you, and still others will after you. You had a purpose to serve, and you served it well. You came to Narnia, and you knew me. But this is not your world, and you must know me now in your own."

"I don't want to, Aslan." Susan bowed her head. "It's too difficult. I'm not like the others, who can accept all this without question. Even the first time, I did not believe Lucy. I never really understood if it was all a dream. When we came again, to help Caspian, you did not show yourself to me until last. I—I wish I was more like Lucy, or Edmund, or Peter. They always believed without question." Bitterness had begun to creep into her voice again. "Did you love them more than me?"

"I love all of my family. Even when they do not remember." He flicked his tail. "Ask what you want to ask."

"I want to return to Narnia, Aslan," she said. Susan raised her head and looked at the Lion. "I want to be a part of Narnia, completely. And if I cannot, then I want to leave it behind me. Completely."

"I owe you a debt of gratitude, Daughter of Eve. You and your sister comforted me in my greatest hour of need. You did this without second thought, and your strength gave me strength to do what needed to be done. Because of this, I will grant you your wish. But you must be absolutely certain."

Aslan's eyes were so sad; Susan thought her heart would break. But she kept her resolve. "I am certain."

Aslan walked closer to her. For just a moment, Susan hesitated. She felt the hairs on his mane brush her arms, and felt his warm breath on her face. She closed her eyes as he breathed on her, and he whispered, "Forget, Susan. Forget all that you can." She shivered, and it felt as if a cool breeze had traveled up her spine. "Aslan?" she breathed.

"You can never completely forget, child. Deep in your heart you will always know me. Perhaps one day, you will decide to remember again. Until then, it will stay locked inside you. I hope this gives you some comfort. Now, return to your own world." Then, suddenly, he was gone.

Susan's eyes flew open. She was completely alone. Susan looked into the tall mirror behind her, and smiled at her reflection. She smoothed her skirt down and straightened her stockings, giving herself one closer look. Then she went to the window and looked outside. There was the coastline, and if she looked to the left she could see a huge sea, glistening in the dusk. The sun was going down, and the world seemed peaceful. Not a creature stirred, no birds called to each other, and no one was walking outside. Susan looked down, and saw the small clearing in which they would have their autumn feast, when the nymphs and the fauns would dance for the last time until spring. Even when there was not a celebration going on, there would always be someone down there. She strained her eyes to catch sight of anyone, but soon couldn't quite remember what she was looking for.

The room was growing darker, but the beginning of twilight was gleaming in through the large window. Susan walked through the room, marveling at the tapestries on the walls, depicting unicorns and mermaids and other beautiful creatures. They reminded her of a song she had heard, perhaps as a child, and she hummed it while she examined them further. She could not remember the name of the song, or any of the words, although she felt as though they were on the tip of her tongue. She traced her hand along the huge chest at the end of the large bed, and over the patterns intricately carved into the wood. On a table nearby was a collection of trinkets and rings and necklaces, each more beautiful than the last. "Whoever owns these must have many admirers," she thought aloud. As she held one of the necklaces up to her own breast, she had an image of a handsome young man and sweetly whispered words, but then the thought was gone.

Susan pulled open the door that led out into the hallway. Her footsteps echoed on the stone as she walked, and it struck Susan as strange that there was no one else there, no one to challenge her. She passed another door and almost reached out to open it. _No, he hates it when others simply barge in_, she thought, making her pause. "Who?" she asked, but received only silence in return. Susan started to feel unnerved by the quiet, and quickly made her way to the large staircase at the end of the hall. It was darker down here, and across the foyer she could see another door, which she knew must lead to the outside. "This isn't like any castle I've ever seen before," she said, and then regretted it when her voice echoed back at her, rising up to the high ceiling. She caught sight of another large room as she glanced around, and through a trick of the light, it looked as if there were four thrones on the other side. "Four thrones?" she whispered. "I've never heard of such a thing." Finally, she reached the huge door. She grasped the large golden handle and pulled. The door swung slowly towards her.

Lucy stood on the other side. "Susan?" she said. "Are you all right?"

Susan blinked. "Of course I am." She opened the door wider so that Lucy could enter their bedroom. Lucy walked in and sat on a chair near the window. "Were you sleeping?" she asked.

"I think I must have been," said Susan. She looked very seriously at her sister. "But I must tell you, Lucy, you really must do something about your hair. You're not a little girl anymore, who can simply get away with pigtails. Here, let me show you." She stood behind her and began to comb and twist Lucy's hair.

Lucy turned her head and looked at her sister strangely. "Are you sure you are all right?"

"I think I might still be recovering from my trip to America. Don't let's talk about that now. There is no need to worry so much about me."

"Oh, Susan," said Lucy. "I feel so terrible about the argument. Do come back downstairs with us. I'll tell the others not to mention Narnia again, if that is what you really want."

"Narnia?" Susan asked. "What—oh, are you talking about that game we used to play when we were younger?" Susan thought for a moment. "We started that during the war, didn't we? How funny you should bring that up now! Is that what we argued about? I really can't seem to remember."

"But Susan—the things you said about Narnia—"

"There you go again about that! What a memory you have, Lucy! Why, I haven't thought about that silly game in simply years." She laughed and started to comb Lucy's hair again.

* * *

**A/N: **Thanks again to everyone who reviewed and gave your ideas. I'd love to hear what you thought of the ending. Since Aslan was in every story, I felt like he needed to be in mine as well. On another note, I'm working on a new story, and I'll hopefully be ready to start posting in a week or two. Make sure you look for it!


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